THE VALENTINE FROM HELL
Last year I bizarrely agreed to a first date on Valentine’s Day, in my defence I had completely lost track of the days that week and had no idea that it would work out to be actually on Valentine’s Day! As soon as I realised I did everything in my power to try to reschedule – I became so desperate that I told him I could not make it due to family problems. When that did not work I began to scrape the barrel of terrible excuses by saying I had a longstanding doctor’s appointment (which made no sense as the date was in the evening)! Yet he still refused to take no for an answer – this should have been a warning sign for what was to come…
On the day itself and still determined that I would not be going on this date, I rang him with the radio turned up full blast to explain that I was at a party with loads of people (I was actually home alone and with my cat) and that I could in no way make the date – instead he took me on the biggest guilt trip where he made me feel like the worst person to have ever walked the earth. I caved in and went.
By the time I got there, this City Slicker had clearly already been drinking and was in full blown handsey mode and was extremely unsubtle. He kept trying to touch my leg and seemed to not understand that by my leaning as far away as possible from him meant ‘get off me and back up out of my space.’ Despite all evasive tactics his constant catapulting hands just kept finding their way back – it was enough to make me vomit in my own mouth – we had just met yet he was very comfortable treating me/women in this way!?
As always, my default setting for awkward and uncomfortable situations is to drink, so I sat there downing my drink as I eyed up my nearest exit route. Whilst I was plotting my master plan, he sat there informing me just how wonderful he was, how successful he was, how he was the best at his job and then in great detail…how lucky I was to be on a date with him. He barely came up for air during this self-absorbed speech and at no time did I open my mouth or indeed, was required to add any input – and I talk a lot! Bewilderingly, his arrogance meant he was completely oblivious to my silence or lack of interest in him.
My brain had completely switched off – until I heard this – he began to tell me that he also had the power and ability to cure women of eating disorders just by talking to them! Unfortunately it did not stop there (by this point he was swaying severely and was slowly losing his power of pronunciation). He continued to declare that he could also talk women out of depression, schizophrenia and cure all other mental health illnesses. I decided that now was the time to run, before he announced he could cure cancer and was God!
As I stood up and picked up my bag his self-confidence knew no boundaries. He aggressively grabbed my arm, in that painful arm clenching grab that is only acceptable when your mum does it to you as a toddler when you’ve run obliviously into the road – in front of oncoming traffic. He was just far too self-assured and a complete nightmare. I wriggled my arm free and made a run for the door.
Unbeknown to me he had purposely stuck his foot from under the table, in an attempt to stop me from leaving. I tripped over, went flying down the flight of stairs that were directly in front of us and landed on the floor with my skirt over the head. What a romantic gentleman – I can only guess he is used to getting his own way.
I would like to say that that was the last I heard from him but no, merely an hour later and I had over 20 missed calls from this conceited man. I presumed he would be calling to say sorry…but no, I could not have been more wrong – he was calling to declare his undying love for me and that ‘whilst a tease, I was the one’ – it was our first date. He then began to text me throughout the week saying he could fit me in and would give me another chance! He proceeded to text date arrangements which I never replied or agreed too but he would then call and text asking where I was – subsequently saying how I had missed out, this went on for 2 weeks.
I decided there and then, that I would never go on a date on Valentine’s Day again.
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