Single men are always wondering how to get the attention of women they’d like to meet. Many sites offer all sorts of “magic” pick-up lines or “secret” seduction techniques. They prey on the hopes of young guys (well, not always just young ones) who are often a bit shy and/or not necessarily blessed with model looks or a bodybuilder’s physique. What if the answer were simpler?
Last night I took my wife out for a drink after we’d had dinner with some friends. I felt like going to The Tilted Kilt to check it out. It was a lively and loud Irish pub filled largely with young people. Many men and some groups of women too. The waitresses are dressed in kilts and tops that accentuate their figures (busboys wear kilts too). We were treated by a very pretty and young waitress named Melissa who had a sweet smile and a great attitude.
As we were leaving I helped my wife off her chair (we were sitting at a high-top) and then helped her on with her coat. Melissa walked back over to us to tell us we looked “adorable.” She said it’s so rare to see couples treating each other the way my wife and I did.
A woman noticing you- It’s always nice to get some reassurance that you’re being noticed and appreciated. I am happily married for more than 23 years and plan for many more; yet it’s still a great feeling when you can place a smile on the face of any woman. I’ve consistently seen this happen when practicing chivalry toward women I meet as well as when they see me being chivalrous with my wife.
Afterward I thought to myself ‘how many of the young single men in this place would like to capture the attention of this young woman?’ Or some other woman they’d like to meet?
What gets a man attention and interest in finding out more about him it isn’t through a pick-up line that’s supposed to be foolproof. Nor a secret seduction technique. And not that there’s anything wrong with driving a great car or having an expensive watch but it’s something beyond that. What captivates attention is behaving in a way women notice and appreciate. Women see that and want to know more of what’s under the surface. Chivalry is something not many guys are doing, which is precisely why it makes a particular guy stand out when he does.
How do I know it works? Listen, I am no hideous looking guy but I am not one of those “lookers” who would make women swoon just by walking into a room. But I sure got Melissa to smile and comment on how nice it was. Plus I’ve been at lots of conferences and meetings with women and heard the same kinds of things from many of them. I recall once in a parking lot when my wife and I were leaving a restaurant I had opened the passenger door for her to get it. A woman in her car in the parking lot stopped her car and remarked how wonderful it was to see. Guys, women really notice these things! So if you want a woman to notice you, here are seven simple secrets:
– Open doors. This is the one that draws the most frequent comments on my twitter feed about chivalry. More than a few women have written that they find this “sexy.”
– If you have a seat somewhere and you see a woman standing because there aren’t any free seats available, offer to stand and give her yours. That goes for trains and buses, at a crowded bar etc.
– If you see a woman taking off her coat, or starting to leave and putting her coat on, offer to help her with it. I have definitely gotten a few smiles doing this.
– If you hear a woman say she’s chilly, offer her your jacket. Outfits worn by some women may not keep them warm if the bar is a bit chilly and something that simple can make her evening a bit nicer. I did that recently at a conference where a number of us has gathered to keep the meeting going and when I offered my jacket when one of the women mentioned it was getting cold, she was able to relax and enjoy the rest of the discussions.
A note to remember: just offer these gestures as a courtesy, it’s always up to the woman whether to choose to accept or not. Some women may prefer to put on their own coats or not take a seat; your offer doesn’t mean you’re implying they’re incapable of opening doors on their own, it’s just a courtesy.
– Find something complimentary to say. You can chose something that is not provocative nor seem too forward. Talking about pretty eyes, a nice hair color or the color of a dress doesn’t mean you are launching into a pick-up mode, it can be a simple gesture meant to make her feel appreciated just for being herself.
– Don’t be crass, vulgar or offensive. Today’s society is filled with music lyrics that call women some nasty things. I’ll leave it up to you whether there’s a place for that, but in most personal encounters, something crass will make a woman wonder what else is in your behavior.
If you’re looking to meet a woman, make this your code of conduct and you’ll get the same kind of attention I did. Once the ice is broken, who knows where things may lead?